Reflecting on the summer’s end and focusing on the fall season ahead, I am reminded again why understanding the impact your dress is so important. Do you remember hoopla over the “flip flop faux paux”? The Northwestern University championship woman’s lacrosse team met with President Bush at the White House. Many of them appeared in sundresses, and skirts with flip-flops adorning their feet. They weren’t alone. UCLA’s water polo team was similarly turned out.

My immediate reaction was one of great disappointment on the part of the coach. Didn’t the coach make any suggestions to these young girls what was appropriate to wear? Maybe the coach did. Why weren’t certain expectations of the team discussed prior to their visit? Maybe they were. I wonder how the coach(es) were dressed. Several days of editorial comments followed, and I began to realize that most of the comments were centered on the personal comfort of the players. What I wanted to say to these people was: “It’s NOT about YOU!” A basic breach of etiquette had occurred and they didn’t understand its impact. It is about respecting your host, the environment and the situation that you are in. One might think that meeting the President of the United States would call for more than poolside attire. Hadn’t they been taught? Didn’t someone tell them?

In this issue, I have devoted the entire Newsletter to the ‘Rules’ of Etiquette. More and more, I have seen what I refer to as ‘creative invitations’ surfacing. This gives rise to great anxiety; I will give suggestions to those as well.  With the ever- changing casual culture we have, it is no wonder people just throw up their hands and put on whatever is comfortable. Information that I have used can be readily found in both Emily Posts “Emily Post’s Etiquette”, and “Letitia Baldridge’s New Manners for New Times”, and “Etiquette for Dummies”. I guarantee if you follow these guidelines, you will always be appropriately dressed, and comfortable, whether you are at a neighborhood gathering, dinner with the company CEO, or at the home of the President of the United States.

INVITATIONS

• As a HOST, always give guidelines of attire when sending invitations. It is a matter of courtesy to your guests to let them know what to wear. 
• As a GUEST, try to follow the suggested attire when you are at an event. At times when there is no attire suggested, you have two options. You may either contact the host or although not recommended, wear what you deem appropriate. 

There are two categories of dress: more recently creative imaginative dress and the original traditional dress. Below are some of the guidelines for dressing that are more commonly seen.

CASUAL

• Certain rules apply to ‘casual’ dressing.  The important point to remember about casual dressing is that attire and grooming go hand in hand.
• What casual doesn’t mean:  Shirttail out, wrinkles, stains on clothing, frayed garments, women in curlers, jeans with holes in them, dirty sneakers, t-shirts that are really undershirts, belly buttons showing

DRESSY CASUAL*

• Men: Slacks, seasonal sports coats or blazers w/ open-collar shirt 
• Women: Dresses or skirts w/ nice tops OR dressy pants outfits

*Nights, especially weekend nights tend to be a bit more formal than afternoons. Country club parties are a bit dressier than someone’s house.

BUSINESS ATTIRE

• Jackets or sports coats and ties for men
• Pantsuits, skirts or dresses for women

SUNDAY DRESS

• Coat and tie for men
• Dresses and pantsuits for women

HOLIDAY HIP

The ‘hip’ indicates a bit of fun. A good pair of jeans is fine. But the key to this party is more in the accessorizing for the festivities than anything else. Have fun with this, but no holes in the jeans please.

GARDEN PARTY

• Can be elegant-especially in the South.  Wear nice clothing suited to outdoor environments. Cotton or linen skirt, slacks with matching top for women.
• Men should wear slacks with a collared shirt. Short sleeve dressy silk, linen or rayon might be appropriate.

POOLSIDE

If it is the afternoon and you are NOT at the White House, swimsuits, shorts, and flip-flops are fine. If you wear a cover-up or shorts, make sure they coordinate.

KHAKIS, NO JEANS

This is pretty clear, but you don’t ‘have’ to wear khakis. They just want you to wear something that is part of your nice casual wardrobe.

TRADITIONAL CATEGORIES

• White Tie:  Ultra Formal-Women wear formal gowns; men wear tailcoats w/matching trousers, white vests, bowties, and white or gray gloves-this is not seen often today.
• Black Tie:  Black tuxedos for men or an elegant black suit white shirt and black necktie as long as it is formal. Women should wear formal evening or cocktail dresses
• Black Tie Optional:  Men wear tuxedo or a dark conservative suit. Women wear cocktail or formal dresses.
• Semi-formal: Men wear dressy business attire. Women wear either dressy business or cocktail attire.
• Creative Black Tie: Formal wear should fit your personality! Add a plaid vest or kilt for example. Women can substitute festive accessories for their formal attire. 
• Cocktail:  Short party dresses for women.  Men should wear dark business suits.  
• Informal:  Does NOT mean casual.  Men can leave their tie at home and just wear their jacket and slacks. Women should wear nice pants or skirt with tops that match or coordinate.
• Smart:  (Informal unless you know the host’s tastes.) Men should wear shirts (wear a colorful one). Women should stick to skirts or pantsuits.

OTHER ETIQUETTE TIPS

R.S.V.P.

This does NOT mean “regrets only”. It means the host wants to hear from you-SOON! This is also a good time to understand what the attire is. It is very RUDE not to respond.

HOSTESS GIFT

Bring something simple, generic, and inexpensive-cocktail napkins or candles to a dinner party. Wine is fine if the host enjoys it.

THANK YOU

Send a brief note after the party to let the hosts know you enjoyed it-even if you didn’t! 

Remember, it is always best to be overdressed than under-dressed. You want to be comfortable and look as though you thought about what you chose to wear.  If there is ever any doubt in your mind regarding your next event, please feel free to contact me!

Posted by Karen Hughes on December 31st, 2007 in Business Wardrobe, Wardrobe